This is my new blog, just something I want to try out. I cant believe Its 2011 already, time flies by so fast as you get older and all these life decisions you have to make. I mostly started this blog because I need a way to vent out my true feelings about my everyday life, I think its hard to just tell anyone about what goes on through your daily life without thinking your boring them or think that your being self centered. Dont get me wrong, I have amazong Family and Friends that I can talk to anytime no matter what, but this is more of a stress reliever and to see if anyone else is going through the same things I am.
Where do I begin, today was a long day at work, my kids we very hyper and would not listen to any instructions I would give them in the classroom or outside. Hyper kids+Not listening=Headache for teacher...... But none the less I love these kids the death, and I would do anything for them and there future, because these kids are our future(scary thought huh!).
Lately my heart has been heavy, I've had allot on my for the past few months, allot of ups and downs. I've been dealing with self esteem issues, stress, weight lose, and relationships. I'm the type of girl that will put everyones needs ahead of mine, if there happy, then thats all that matters, but I know thats not the right thing to do, because in return we expect something, some type of effort. Even thought I really dont expect anthing back, I feel let down sometimes(depending on what it was). I put my whole heart out for people, and I get back maybe a piece of it. I set myself up for very high expections knowing I wont get it back, but I do it anyways. I'm a big people pleaser and I dont think that will ever change, I want to put smiles on my family and friends faces, no matter the cost, but I think there a limit to that, and I need to find that happy medium.
My past relationships has made me who i am today, without those trial and errors, I wouldnt be the strong woman of God I am today. I always thought that the only love that I could ever get was from a guy, so I thought having a boyfriend I would find true love and a true positive relationship. BOY was I WRONG! At first everything was great in this whole relatioship thing, looking forward to the first time we would hold hands, then came the hug, and then the antispated kiss! man, I thought I was living the dream, I was on cloud 9! I really thought nothing could go wrong, I had the relationship and "true love" all in the palm of my hands. My bubble was popped right away! These great relationships turned into, what am I doing with this? I soon realized that "love" wasnt at all the love I wanted, I would end up hurting myself. I'd cry myself to sleep at night because i felt so unloved in my relationship. Few more boyfriends passed on by and then I thought I met the "one", haha boy was I wrong again(but thats a different story). I still struggle today wanting that close and unconditional relationship with a guy, but then I realized out off all the I's and Me's I been wanting for myself, God was there the whole time knocking at my door saying, "Hello, Jessica, I'm right here, your true love!" I really wish I would have seen him so much sooner, but everyone learns at there own pase. God opend my eyes to real love, he showed me everlasting love, love that will never hurt me, nor leave me! I mean, who can deny that? Someone thats not in the right mind, thats for sure. I realized all I need is him! I gave him my whole heart and I know that he will bless me with a true man of God, when the time is right!(I'm praying hard, every night for you).
So I end this with a song that I love listening to because its very true on how we humans are. The songs called This is the stuff by Francesca Battistelli, she talks about how we can go around and say all the things that are going wrong in our lives, but not think for a moment how big we are truley blessed! I think its amazing and true to the T, lets make a challenge to ourselves, lets take the ME out of our daily life and put in GOD for a change.
<3 Jessi
